Molly M asked:
My husband has been having an affair with a girl from his office; he is in love with her. Is there any point to continue the marriage. He will not admit the affair, but I feel it.
Floyd
My husband has been having an affair with a girl from his office; he is in love with her. Is there any point to continue the marriage. He will not admit the affair, but I feel it.
Floyd
Tags: Having An Affair, Love, Marriage
Terri
No. If he is in love with another woman why fight it. Leave and get yourself a boy toy. Counseling won’t help if his mind is somewhere else.
Tom
It couldnt hurt at this point.
Terry
Counseling only works if both parties present want the marriage to continue… if he’s in love with her, it’s unlikely to do much good; however, it will give you both a chance to vent your feelings… only the two of you can decide if the marriage is worth saving.
Ramon
You will never know unless you try.
Christine
Well a marriage will only work if BOTH people want it too!!
Point blank!!
Bernice
if his in denial then its not going to work …you have to know what you are doing wrong to get treated for it….GOOD LUCK..you both have to want to make things better…
Marilyn
no it wont..he will always love another
Tamara
why are you making all this effort to hold onto a cheater - let him go, you deserve better
Claudia
Marriage counseling will not work. You need to divorce him.
Edna
Actually, if you are even asking this, you have low or no self-esteem. He is a cheater, and with AIDS around, and other diseases, why do you still want a reconciliation? There are honest decent men on Harmony and math.com. Hubby might even have herpes or something. Additionally, he loves someone else, or he thinks passion is love. He is a fool, and if you do not dump him, you could wind up HIV positive, at most, or with herpes, or just never really trust him again.
Read Second Chance”.
Randy
No. He may decide to be faithful to you and stick it out, but if he is truly in love with the other woman, he will long for her.
Lauren
Not much use will come out of it if he is not into it. so just go ahead and make arrangements if he does not want to work on this.
Harry
People have “affairs” because their needs are not being met. Do not look to deep into your husband’s infidelity for the truth of the situation. You will find the problem lies with you. This does not negate his responsibility within the marriage and his lack of restraint only proves his weak, immature and selfish character.
It was always there and you chose to overlook it. Hard to overlook now.
Counseling will only work if the person is willing to look at themselves and accept responsibility for their actions.
Ask your husband the one question that will prove the efficacy of counseling - “Do you want to be married to me?”
It’s a yes or no question.
Donna
First you have to find out if he really is in love with her, or if its simply an office fling. If he is not admitting to it then it could be because he loves you and does not want to lose you over a cheap thrill. And if he agrees to counseling then there is your answer, ” not willing to lose you over something that maybe did not mean anything. So try and get some facts and dont go based on gut alone.
Cody
So sorry your husband has no character. He made a choice to have the affair. Counseling is a venue to work out things when both parties want to make the marriage work. If you have children let him tell them why the marriage is breaking up…I wish you the best…
Bertha
I would cut your losses and find someone who loves you, not some hussy in his office…………JERK!
Mildred
And you know of the affair how?
Allan
if he won’t admit it then there is a chance that it will still work with the two of you. However he needs to be honest and to prove that he is through with her. As it stands now, he is lying and it will never get better from there…..until he comes clean.
Jorge
Of course not. Because you need to be in love to have a sane relashionship. Move on, I know it is hard but whe the love is gone, there’s nothing else to do.
Erica
If he loves someone else it will not work. Would you really want him to stay?
Dora
If he’s in love with someone else, counseling’s not gonna change his mind. You don’t deserve to be with a man that cheats on you and can’t give you his whole heart. I think it’s time to let him go.
Reginald
You can go to counseling, it may help you cope with this in the mean time. It will NOT stop his affair and help from a counselor will be limited as long as there is deception and a third person in the marriage. But, it’s better than doing nothing.
Gather your evidence and confront him. Make your
boundaries well known and demand what you need. Protect yourself and your assets together before you do this, as he may not play fair when it all comes out. Many an affair falls apart when exposed. He enjoys the attention, but may not really want to lose you either. He may not “love” the other woman either, but will play the game and tell her what she wants to hear to keep it up. The amount of fantasy and lies involved in this kind of thing are amazing.
Look for a counselor certified in couples counseling, with experience with infidelity. Marriages can survive an affair, but it will take lots of work from both of you.
Resources
A few good books:
“Not Just Friends” by S. Glass
“Surviving an affair” by Dr. W. Harley
“After the Affair” by Springs
A yahoo group that has many helpful articles and links in FILES. Not a good support board, not very active. But, loads of stuff in files. Simple to join.
A few other helpful sites:
A few good support forums for those dealing with infidelity. Lots of helpful people who have been through this trauma.
An ebook written for the wayward spouse to help them understand what they need to do to rebuild from the damage they created:
Some marriage weekend programs: