My ex husband was against counseling, because he thought he’d have to pay to sit with a stranger for an hour and be told what a terrible husband he is; plus he didn’t agree with paying money to fix something we could do ourselves (that worked out well).

Let me first say …..that you are one of the few that
has a positive attitude on counseling. I commend you for that.
In most communities, getting counseling is the thing to
do when there are marital problems.
Family, friends, clergy and others say, “Have you gotten
counseling?”
Many spouses agree to attend. It usually lasts for a few
sessions, if that. He/she often enters counseling guardedly
and with little intent to SELF DISCLOSE .
He/she usually in some fashion sabotages counseling. It
doesn’t work. Here’s the kicker: the person is then able to
say, ” Well, we got counseling, and it just didn’t work out!”
Counseling becomes a rationalization to pull further away.
Suggesting counseling, because it is socially sanctioned by
your community, is perceived by your spouse as coercion.
Persuasion or coercion usually gets the results you
don’t intend and shifts the focus away from where it needs to be.

Mainly because they expect that some yuppie liberal type will say that Mr. or Mrs X cheated, played with drugs, stole, lied, or gambled away the house; because they felt unfulfilled, or unappreciated, or confused, so of course the other should forgive them, cuz it obviously wasn’t their fault. They aren’t much interested in some excuse. They are jusy angry. Basically, they don’t feel they need counseling, so see no reason to go.

It must be nice to be perfect. Your friend’s wife has the attitude that going to counseling means there is something wrong with you mentally. Either that, or she feels their problems are all her husband’s fault, and that she has no need of counseling. Whichever it is, the end result is the same. A closed mind is a small mind. Your friend is probably better off without her.

They tend to refuse marriage counseling because they are in denial and also because they do not want to accept that the marriage is in trouble also because they dont want to accept responsibility for their part in the break down of the marriage.

Because for them to actually get into counseling would be to admit there is a problem.

What’s right for you is not right for all. If I needed counseling first personally I wouldn’t get married.

I think for some people they feel like if they go to counseling they are admitting they might have a problem. How many people want to see that they have flaws? or that something might be “wrong” with them? Or maybe they are afraid that the counselor might agree with the other person and then they’s have to admit that they were wrong! How many people want to admit that they are wrong. I would think it would be more of the husbands that don’t want to participate!

all to often but the time a couple goes to counseling it is too late. but personally i am all for it.. try anything and everything to save a marriage. could be she she not interested in saving it?

I think people with low self-esteem may be afraid to go because they are afraid of being judged unstable.