My friend and his wife are on the brink of divorce because of lack of communication between them. His wife refuses to go to counseling because she says that is for screwed up people.
I don’t get this, we are all screwed up! Even if you have a happy marriage you can benefit from counseling because you are learning ways to communicate.
About a year before my wife and I married we went to premartial counseling. I learned a lot about communication and learned how to protect my marriage (from my own mother) by setting up boundaries. And honestly, we are very happy now that I have learned to keep my mother away from my relationship with my wife.
We can always improve ourselves and there is nothing wrong with admitting you aren’t perfect and can use some improvement.
Why do people think marriage counseling is so bad?
I needed counseling before I married because of ME, my problems were affecting our relationship.
Improving MYSELF benefiting our relationship in a positive way.
Paul
Tags: Boundaries, Marriage, Why Do People
Tanya
I’M NOT MARRIED BUT IF I WERE MARRIED AND NEEDED COUNSELING I WOULD GET IT. I DON’T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT.
Marc
cause the don’t wanna belive they gotta problem
Todd
Some people don’t feel comfortable talking to a stranger.
Annette
because they feel that there is nothing wrong and someone else shouldnt be telling them that they are having problems…
Jimmy
Because she is afraid of what she’ll find out about herself. Also, she’s being immature and selfish. People are afraid of change.
Thomas
Its denial. They refuse to admit or believe that there is a problem.
Charlotte
communication issues
Melissa
There are are three schools of thought on why she is rejecting marital counseling. Unfortunately, there are individuals out there who also believe that the relationship is healthy, and no counseling is required to fix the problems. Part of the problem is also that some cultures or sections of society places a stigma on counseling. One last reason is that she, a friend or close family member had a bad experience with counseling in the past.
Herbert
i’m not married or anything but i do have a shrink. at first i didn’t want to go even though i knew i had a problem. some ppl just don’t like to admit that they have problem that needs to be dealt with. explain to your friend’s wife that communication is a major asset for a relationship to work and that it has turned into a problem and needs to be fixed, but do it in a nice manner. don’t make it seem like you’re getting in her face about it or she will not want help.
Yolanda
I think people with low self-esteem may be afraid to go because they are afraid of being judged unstable.
Charlene
all to often but the time a couple goes to counseling it is too late. but personally i am all for it.. try anything and everything to save a marriage. could be she she not interested in saving it?
Catherine
I think for some people they feel like if they go to counseling they are admitting they might have a problem. How many people want to see that they have flaws? or that something might be “wrong” with them? Or maybe they are afraid that the counselor might agree with the other person and then they’s have to admit that they were wrong! How many people want to admit that they are wrong. I would think it would be more of the husbands that don’t want to participate!
Gladys
What’s right for you is not right for all. If I needed counseling first personally I wouldn’t get married.
Richard
Because for them to actually get into counseling would be to admit there is a problem.
Roberta
They tend to refuse marriage counseling because they are in denial and also because they do not want to accept that the marriage is in trouble also because they dont want to accept responsibility for their part in the break down of the marriage.
Ron
It must be nice to be perfect. Your friend’s wife has the attitude that going to counseling means there is something wrong with you mentally. Either that, or she feels their problems are all her husband’s fault, and that she has no need of counseling. Whichever it is, the end result is the same. A closed mind is a small mind. Your friend is probably better off without her.
Duane
Mainly because they expect that some yuppie liberal type will say that Mr. or Mrs X cheated, played with drugs, stole, lied, or gambled away the house; because they felt unfulfilled, or unappreciated, or confused, so of course the other should forgive them, cuz it obviously wasn’t their fault. They aren’t much interested in some excuse. They are jusy angry. Basically, they don’t feel they need counseling, so see no reason to go.
Harvey
Let me first say …..that you are one of the few that
has a positive attitude on counseling. I commend you for that.
In most communities, getting counseling is the thing to
do when there are marital problems.
Family, friends, clergy and others say, “Have you gotten
counseling?”
Many spouses agree to attend. It usually lasts for a few
sessions, if that. He/she often enters counseling guardedly
and with little intent to SELF DISCLOSE .
He/she usually in some fashion sabotages counseling. It
doesn’t work. Here’s the kicker: the person is then able to
say, ” Well, we got counseling, and it just didn’t work out!”
Counseling becomes a rationalization to pull further away.
Suggesting counseling, because it is socially sanctioned by
your community, is perceived by your spouse as coercion.
Persuasion or coercion usually gets the results you
don’t intend and shifts the focus away from where it needs to be.
Mildred
My ex husband was against counseling, because he thought he’d have to pay to sit with a stranger for an hour and be told what a terrible husband he is; plus he didn’t agree with paying money to fix something we could do ourselves (that worked out well).